estamos rodeados.

again,
texas looms near.
the only thing for sure
is: a year does not change much, but
what can?

march 8 one more day.
this could
all end monday.
the end of a year, and
the end of productivity.
the end.

march 7
one more
wonderful and
sunny day ruined by
eating old yogurt long forgot
by me.

march 6
coffee,
library, fro
yo and puppy shops. the
west village is far greater than
i knew.

march 5
"mental
health day". what
could i possibly need
a break from? least of all school twice
a week?

march 4
two shows
in two days. of
course no one cares, but we
give the people what they want: less.
always.

march 3
weird show
in a weird barn.
too cold and wear gloves and
get out of the front row or i'll
mosh you.

march 2
thirty
dollars on fresh
fish spent the day power
fails our building and all food goes
to rot.

march 1
whole foods
indian is
vaguely acceptable,
but the naan is nothing if not
horrid.

february 28 brunch and
you and
me. pea shoots, and
greek lemon sauce, and
poached eggs, parmesan french toast and
mint tea.

february 27
a fine
day to visit
duane "the rock" johnson at
his wax home in times square, next to
ripley's.

february 26
are you
fucking KIDDING
hosea won top chef?
an embarrassment, travesty
all told.

february 25
today
conclusively
it is not pms:
i am in a bonafide god
damn funk.

february 24 even still.
this new
song hurts my hand
and i keep fucking up.
your part is easier and i
hate you.

february 23 not the same
drive to
chili's. so deep
in queens seeking chicken
crispers, we are shut down and get
arby's.

february 22
blowing
off yoga due
to a sore back and just
eating cake is therapy on
its own.

february 21
torrents
confuse me. why
are people still trying
to download life aquatic? it's
not new.

february 20
very much
enjoying these
quiet evenings with
only my streaming netflix and
chumbler.

february 19 reopening.
and toast
the living and
the dead who've gone before
me, and my head will throb like an
old wound

febraury 18 on defeat.
five pounds
ten pounds, fifteen.
i can lose everything
but pure fat from my heavy thighs,
wide hips.

february 17
running
again. slightly
easier today, but
never really easier to
keep up.

february 16
why are
there clowns here, at
ikea? ruining
my day, my life, my new shelving
unit?

february 15 on sleepovers.
sick and
disgusted, we
rise too early, loll in
bed, head to brunch. complain. tea. crawl
back home.

february 14 on finality.
you are
so rude to me
tonight that i scream in
your face and i know then it's done
now.

february 13 how many more high socks can i justify at this point?
mark it:
now giving up
ever working at A
A, because the retro-discount
kills me.

february 12
'break down
the facade, i
need a motherfucking
chair massage!' oh! you must know me
too well.

february 11 on semi-notoriety
being
recognized at
the pickle place, the pho
place, doughnut plant...all part of my
grand schemes.

february 10
i wish
i had a drug
problem more glamorous
than caffeine headaches on schoolday
mornings.

february 9 on birthdays (and false impressions), actually.
so this
monumental
in my head event is
just a regular day. i should
have known.

february 8
bitters
and seltzer, twist,
on the cusp of our birth
days. the bar is dark and i want
magic.

february 7 on drying out.
such times
are desperate:
as tolerance rises,
drunk decreases but the effects
stay same.

february 6
oh, how
wonderful! yet
another hangover
in my endless series of grand
fuck ups.

february 5 and less.
rare form's
first show. yes, a
spectacle to be seen,
a miracle to overhear,
and more!

february 4
should i
ever write a
slogan for your class, sir,
it will be this: "willfully ob-
solete!"

february 3
bumble
and bumble blow
drys keep me in lovely
products, but waiting rooms and moods
foul.

february 2
beast that
bit the mayor!
so rarely do groundhogs
attack politicians! it's been
worth it.

february 1 on aging.
not sure
if it's better
to be who i think i
am, or who you think i could be.
birthday.

january 31 old friends crashing on the floor
feeling
hungover just
for history's sake. know
if you sleep here, you'll be pumped for
gossip.

january 30
craftbar!
colichio
measures up as we dine
finely over restaurant week
lunches.

january 29
i feel
absolutely
insane today. i could
crack at any minute. please kill
my thoughts.

january 28
not that
it matters. it
doesn't. this is one long
and endless cycle that becomes
my life.

january 27
what part
will have been worth
anything? oh. i see.
the part where i continue to
get hurt.

january 26
oh, this
awful tension.
anything could happen,
and i can't believe nothing will
ever.

january 25
when this
all blows up in
my face, i will laugh, tip
back my head and shout, 'it was
worth it.'

january 24
oh no!
my tolerance
grows ever higher, and
thus, my bar tabs empty my purse
in kind.

january 23
it's not
reality
to me that people would
not love shellshag, as a band, but
people.

january 22 information is EVERYTHING. the universe is ENDLESS.
remind
me to never
go to this class stoned, lest
i think about universal
sizes.

january 21
okay.
if you think it
will help if i get my
chest x-rayed, i'll do it, but i'll
keep them.

january 20 inaugural hats
wearing
a hat like that,
ms franklin, is one great
way to steal the show from the PRES
IDENT.

january 19 unbelievable
it is
an absolute
truth that i have school this
week, yet i find it not to be
believed.

january 18 on julie doucet's 365 days
while i
have heeded your
suggestions, i feel i
must see this thing all the way through
a year.

january 17
backstage
pass. thurston moore.
what is going on here
anyway? i have to fucking
go home.

january 16 really, i'm sick of it.
if you
blame me for you
fucking up this song one
more time, i will tell everyone
what hap-

january 15
low key
karaoke
thursday. when my heckles
go unnoticed, i know it's time
to leave.

january 14
rare form
practice goes so
well. we play the song i
wrote and it is a punk god damn
anthem.

january 13
now that
i've been sick for
six weeks, in my layman's
opinion, i am mere minutes
from death.

january 12 season three is a better analogy, but we're past that.
if i
am carrie (and
i believe i am), when
am i meeting big in san fran
cisco?

january 11 enough already.
i swear
you didn't show
up to practice because
you didn't want to see me. i
get it.

january 10
a week
ago, things seemed
clearer, easier and
more conscionable than ever
before.

january 9
that, with
ten dollars in
your pocket, you intend
to spend nine at a show baffles
my brain.

january 8 5am at the second chance saloon.
we get
wasted and flirt
like it's 2005.
it might as well be, though, the way
we act.

january 7
if our
band didnt end
up being so good, on
accident, i'd be mad you quit
for real.

january 6 on completionisting.
nip/tuck
returns for a
god knows what season and
god knows why i must finish what
i start.

january 5 cycles.
i have
YELLED at you for
what i hope, (but know) will
(not) be the last time. never will
this end.

january 4
pick you
up at the air
port, watch a movie, things
fall back into place, but less room
in bed.

january 3
yes, this
show is great and
yes, i am drunk enough
and yes, you validated me
so much.

january 2
every
time i venture
west to nj, it's more
apparent it will never be
for me.

january 1
polar
bear swim cancels
out vomiting on the
train, but won't erase memories,
pictures.

hello.

i am having a miserable time deciding to stop this at january in tribute to a new year, continue to march when i started, not stop in march and work this out indefinitely, or begin altogether anew.

rest assured, you will be the first to know.

-lauren

special bonus edition: the forgotten wsabhs

march 9, 2008
even if
you're still as lame
as i know you must be,
your new girlfriend has my exact
same name.

april 3, 2008
in hind
sight (is hindsight
one word?) i never gave
this an official welcome; bon
voyage.

only
starting writing
a novel makes it seem
more impossible than never

april 20, 2008
bakesale betty, let down your hair.

what i
wouldn't do for
the perfect lemon square
in lieu of typical sunday
brunch fare.

june, 2008
on libation based delusions.

i should,
someday, be so
perfectly content to
lead a quiet existence, just
tea, wine.

december 31
this year!
good riddance to
bad rubbish, i say. see
you in the next great two thousand
and whine.

december 30
pho and
dress shopping and
constant kvetching across
the city as we trek to find
dessert.

december 29
new bangs
for a new year.
a new haircut! maybe
this is the year i'll finally
keep up.