casual dining is the only complement to modern cinema.

as far
as teenage thrills
go, paying for one film
(harold and kumar) and sneaking
into

one more
(baby mama)
is still a good use of
four hours. just follow up with
chili's.

greek salad, milk chocolate truffle bar, and seltzer at college trader joe's, m4w, oakland rockridge/claremont

having
a consistent
schedule has not yet led
to my discovery on missed
connex.

social reaction experiment v.1

my new
thing is giving
strangers compliments while
being so rude, my grandmother
would blush.

an open letter to whoever stole my laundry basket out of the locked laundry room, thereby sparing me the inconvenience of my own clothing.

thank you
for stealing my
laundry basket. i don't
know what i'd do with it. except
clean clothes.

the downside of whiteboards

for real,
the longer i
live here, the more likely
i am to just snap. or die of
ulcers.

ode to unemployment.

today
i have nothing,
absolutely nothing,
to do. at all. except look for
a job.

the miracle of buttoning pants

it's kind
of amazing
how busy i can make
myself believe i am just by
dressing.

i will
not let my tan
lines suffer just because,
in a bikini, i look so
awful.

if that little coffee shop on valencia kicked you out on open mic night, you're sure as shootin' not welcome in my house at 4am.

just when
things can't get worse,
an acoustic wielding
hippie shows up for four twenty.
fuck me.

it's not
yet noon and i
already regret this
early rise; my to-do list is
all clear.

on why california is so confusing

summer
is always so
full of promise, but warm
days, romantic as they seem, dis
appoint.

a note to the hippies who are trying to build a garden in the backyard:

perhaps
you never got the
memo, but the soil
here is so leaden that nothing
will grow.

re:

oh, most
awesome thing in
the world, how i love you.
when i clap to validate you [ed. okay, validate us],
you dance.

notes concerning self inflicted terror and doubt

a three
week vacation
is all well and good, but
i haven't left the house in as
much time.

grieving for lost banana creams and walnut tarts

mission
pie betrayed me
once: "we are closed. gas off."
excuse me? open up, my pie's
in there!

a perfect match for safeway chinese food

picnics
are nice. but this
is still oakland, so it's
hard to find a park that hasn't
burned down.

an open apology to whomever i bumped off the waiting list:

i know
it was selfish
to send deposits for
both schools, but i really couldn't
pick one.

notes on being gripped by reality tv

i burned
my marmalade
because on top chef, they
cook like adults, but they act like
children.

even
though i couldn't
care less about greece, it
seems fitting to start an epic
journey.

notes on my favorite sex columnist's mother

it's sad:
dan savage's
mother died. after all
the books, and columns, i know her;
i'm bummed.

8 april

okay,
west coast. you win
on one count: sourdough.
i shall concede there's no better
toast made.

7 april

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6 april

i'm so
grossed out when my
roommates buy that heinous
supermarket bread. corn syrup,
be damned!

5 april

notes on reclusivity and indecision

i know
that to do things
i just have to DO THINGS,
but, of course, that's easier said
than done.

4 april

i will
come to terms with
new jersey again, but
only so long as wawa stays
open.

3 april

even
if moving back
east isn't defeating,
i certainly feel defeated
by it.

2 april

re: best mates

dear sir,
if you bring me
that baby kangaroo,
(i will make sure both of)
your days are lived in comfort and
splendor.

1 april

rabbit,
rabbit for luck,
but if i go to old
navy, buy trip pants, and you bail,
i'll die.